For many years, Nicole Callander has been focused on building a better community by advocating for inclusivity, acceptance and kindness.
Callander, who has made her home in Brantford for almost a decade, eventually becoming a Registered Social Service Worker (RSSW) after looking into ways of advocating for her daughter Kaitlin, who was born with a genetic disability called Williams syndrome.
“I was actually working for a trucking company in an office [role]…I was working full time with a great schedule and great pay…but, at the time, Kaitlin’s school was really giving me a lot of hassle as they didn’t want to help support her…to the point where I actually got blackmailed off the parent council. They told me if I didn’t quit parent council, they were going to make her transfer schools…I was really angry [and] upset,” she said. “So, I thought I’d go back to school and learn the social aspect, so that I could be a better advocate for her. I ended up doing a placement at Bayridge Counselling Centres [through the school] …and I ended up liking it…[and where I was] supporting other families who were in the same predicament. I then decided to change careers, and the rest of history.”
However, Callander explains another moment when she realized that she could do more in the community.
“The first time I really got involved was in December 2014 when a friend of mine was doing a homeless night in Hamilton. It was where people could bring used clothing, and there was going to be a meal handed out. My cousin and I collected some clothes, and we brought them to this event,” she said. “I then noticed a girl there, who would help me be the person I am today, digging through a pile of clothing. I then helped her look for brand-name sweaters and I found some, but she wasn’t impressed. I couldn’t figure out why, so I asked her, ‘if you could have anything for Christmas, what would it be?’ And she told me that she really wanted a pillow.”
Callander would try to find what the girl wanted, and in the process, learn something valuable from her.
“I went over to find her a pillow, and they only had this really gross one…which I was hesitant to give to her, but the girl wanted it [and] started bawling her eyes out and she told me it was the best gift she had ever gotten,” she explained. “I found out that the girl’s mother would roll up her winter coat and she would sleep on it. That really opened my eyes to my privilege [and] how much I have. From that moment, it’s taken me to where I wanted to help the community.”
Nevertheless, Callander would eventually launch Friends 4 Kindness in 2018 which stemmed from something special she wanted to do for Kaitlin.
“When we moved to Brantford, I found she was better supported with the system and it was a better fit for her…but when she was in grade 12, I started to receive calls from the school with those automated messages saying, ‘sign up for grad’ or ‘to make sure you get your university courses sent in’ or ‘grad pictures are happening in January.’ There were a lot of reminders that Kaitlin wasn’t getting and those milestones that all the kids she grew up with were getting. And Kaitlin was sad because her brother had just started school that year, and he was getting play dates, and she didn’t have anybody to hang out with,” she said. “One day she said to me, ‘Am I not graduating because I don’t have friends?’ And at the time…I realized I couldn’t really do anything to change that [and] I couldn’t really go and get friends. So, in January of that year, I decided to post a video to my 50 friends on Facebook asking them if they could mail her birthday cards from January to July. As all these other milestones are happening, she would be getting this mail from people that care and that would like to be her friend. And it just so happens that the week that I made that video, a friend of mine was in Hamilton [and] was one of the five people that were asked to ask him a question to Prime Minister Trudeau…my friend asked if he could sign this birthday card for Kaitlin…which he did.”
That led to Callander being contacted by media for interviews to talk about the card, setting off a huge response from across Canada.
“All of a sudden, I’m getting calls from the local news asking if they could see the card that Justin Trudeau signed for Kaitlin. And then that got on the news, and it went viral. The story got shared all over the world millions of times and she ended up with around 6,000 birthday cards from 34 countries, all these gifts, [and getting invited to] all these events. Many people started to message me asking if she had opened their gifts or their cards…[so, as a response], we started a Facebook group called Kindness for Kaitlin, where we posted videos of her opening these cards and these presents that people had sent her,” she stated. “Many people saw the posts of Kaitlin, and I started to get hundreds of messages from families that said they sent out birthday invitations, and nobody showed up to their kids’ birthday…so, it being Kaitlin’s 18th birthday in July, I rented Mohawk Park in Brantford, and I invited any kid that’s never been to a birthday to come, and we would have an un-birthday party and celebrate everybody. And that’s how Friends 4 Kindness started.”
Nevertheless, there have been many stories that have touched Callander through the un-birthday program, however, there is one that stuck with her.
“I remember one girl, who wanted to come to the un-birthday, but she had social anxiety…she ended up coming in costume. She came up as an inflatable dinosaur and was the biggest hit at the party. Everybody wanted pictures with her, to the point where she does this now at all the local events around Brantford,” she said. “She dresses up in costume and makes appearances for pictures at events, and she raises money for some of the day programs in Brantford all because she started off at that one un-birthday party wearing a costume.”
The organization has grown since then, building upon the Un-birthday party with other programs including Circle of Friends and Teen and Adult Inclusive Dances among others.
“Our goal at Friends 4 Kindness is really to create social connections for individuals with disabilities. Originally, it just started off as the birthday, and then COVID hit a year later, so that kind of squashed our initiative for a time…we then moved everything online and then those friends online all became actual friends, where they all hang out now at the malls and the movies. We realized it really wasn’t just [building] social connections that was our goal, but we were here to help create genuine friendships,” she stated.
